On loss

By now I should be used to the cold...
Mid-February shouldn’t be so scary

It's weird when someone dies.

Things still go on, they change, people around you change, but that person lives on in your mind...

untouched by time, there in your memory.

Your favorite records make me feel better
Cause you sing along with every song
I know you didn’t mean to give them to me

Sometimes it feels like everyone around you has moved on. Sometimes it feels like you've moved right on with them... But then something happens, you hear a certain song, you smell a certain smell, you have a thought... 

In that moment, you feel like nothing has changed. 

You went away
How dare you?
I miss you
 

Grief is strange like that. It can hide under the surface for a long time without you realizing it's still there. But it is. I'm not sure that you ever really move past losing someone you love. You go on, but sadness is still there.

I guess that's OK because looking back with sadness means there is something beautiful there to remember.

They say I'll be ok

But I’m not going to ever get over you

JER. GSP. WDAB. HLS. MJB. MAF. <3

Disaster View

I can't get over these pictures. 

Earthquake, tsunami, nuclear explosion... The devastation in Japan is so total. It's hard to remember that what I'm looking at is an photograph of real events and not just a screenshot from a movie. The scariest thing to me is how unbelievable it is. It's easy to go about my day and assume that the things I own or the life I live is permanent. I guess that's why it's hard to look at these pictures. It's a reminder that everything I think is just a given- food, shelter, clean water... life- can really all disappear in an instant. 

I'm praying for those affected in Japan but I'm also praying that those of us who have never experienced loss like this remember that there is nothing we can do in our own power to avoid it. And that's really humbling.

Red Camaro

I saw a red Camaro today and I thought of you.
Some days I don't, but today I did.
It wasn't the anniversary or your birthday.
It was just a normal Thursday in a normal work week.
But I saw a red Camaro and I thought of you.
I wondered where you'd be and what you'd be doing.
What kind of job you'd have.
Then I thought you'd probably be in our wedding.
If you were still here.
I saw a red Camaro today and I thought of you.
And I missed you.